If Only I Had Known

Becoming a parent is not for the faint of heart. I know countless people that have either not had kids yet, or have chosen not to have them, but yet know exactly how to raise your children. 

Parenting styles are often based on two people bringing their own learned parenting skills to a relationship, combining them into one process, thinking they have it mastered – and finally throwing their hands in the air and saying “screw it, let’s just beat it out of the little buggars”.

The truth is that parenting is a day to day process. No child is the same, no parent is the same, and certainly no circumstance is the same – And no book can tell you the perfect way to parent!

Goodness knows I have made lots of mistakes. Just ask my kids! I am sure they will tell you. But I can say with absolute certainty that I did my best, and despite my faults, I love each of them with all my heart.

There were the scoldings (“I love you but I don’t always like you”), the spankings – when corporal punishment was still a thing (“this is gonna hurt me worse that it will hurt you”), the parental abuse (“I didn’t ask to be born you know”, and oldie but goodie “I hate you”), the negotiating (“but Trevor did it so why can’t I”?) and finally the stress of saying NO. It’s not saying no that is difficult, it is sticking to it, after incessant pleading, whining, cajoling and begging – it’s exhausting!

Ahhhh the joy of parenting and learning on the fly.

I helps to be humble and accept that you are an idiot. You didn’t start out being an idiot, it is simply a slow steady decline. After I realized how dumb I was, I simply accepted it. When the kids turned thirteen, I made them aware of what was surely about to transpire over the next few years.

“Don’t be alarmed, but over the next several years, I am going to decline before your very eyes. I will slowly become a bumbling fool whom you will be embarrassed by constantly and will not be someone you will want to be seen with. You will wonder how I could devolve so quickly and spew nothing but nonsense out of my pie hole. But, I promise I will be back. Over time, I will begin to climb out of this dark abyss at which time I will become a valuable resource to you once again. Please don’t give up on me! I love you.”

Always, always end this revelation with “I love you”. It is imperative to leave them with a positive to reflect on and to remember you were once sane – that perhaps you will return one day as you promised.

Things do get better, but it ages you.

The experts say that once a child is about seventeen, their core personality has been defined. I have found that to be mostly true. But it takes to about age twenty five, for them to admit that you are not a total idiot. They may think it earlier, but pride prevents them from uttering the words.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids – all four of them. They bring unique personalities and skills to our lives. They are all good human beings and productive members of society. I would like to think I have had some small amount of influence over that outcome.

The Joy of Being a Grandparent

I had no idea that being a grandparent would be so rewarding. It has nothing to do with the amazing five (and counting) grandchildren we have been blessed with. I love them all dearly, and hearing “Papa” five hundred times a days never gets old.

It’s really about vindictiveness.

Watching your children raise children is priceless. They actually mimic some (not all thank goodness) of the parenting that you raised them with. Proving that after almost forty years of self doubt, that you are not a complete idiot after all!

And unlike those that tell you how to raise your children, with no previous experience – you actually HAVE experience – and SHARE IT liberally😊.

I can’t wait for the slow steady decline of their faculties.

I have some opinions!